Monthly Archives: January 2012

POPPA HOWARD FACES THE PROBLEM OF BECOMING SUDDENLY SINGLE

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POPPA HOWARD FACES THE PROBLEM OF BECOMING SUDDENLY SINGLE.

 

By “Poppa”  Howard Davies                    Saved As:- “Website-SUDDENLY SINGLE.doc”

1: INTRODUCTION AND MY OWN  PERSONAL EXPERIENCE

Some of us are suddenly catapulted by Fate into becoming suddenly single again after perhaps many many years of a happy marriage. This actually happened to me and I hope that this Article may be of some considerable help to those faced with the same dilemma.

My wife, Jean, and I were very happily married for over 50 years, but she died very unexpectedly (that is another very long upsetting story, however) and I was, therefore, suddenly catapulted into the category of  ‘Suddenly- Single” without any prior warning within a matter of only a few days.  Ladies that are going to have a baby can, at least, attend preparation classes where they learn what to expect (if it is the first time) and how to cope with a whole new very different way of life that is looming on the horizon.

During my working life I was an Electrical Engineer and had 5 years apprenticeship for the practical side of electrical engineering plus night-school classes for the theory side. Unfortunately there is no apprenticeship for “Sudden-Single”  (in future, I will call these people “SINGLEES” to save printing ink) and we such people have to suddenly become INSTANTANEOUS EXPERTS in entirely new living techniques, very often hitherto the sole (and sometimes jealously guarded!!) domain of the female species!  My wife used to say, jokingly, “Howard cannot even boil water without burning it!!”    But listen chaps, , , , , I would very strongly advise you NOT to attend any “preparation” courses  whilst your wife  is still alive, or she might think that you are entertaining plans of disposing of her !!!

Although written primarily for the male species, there is a tremendous amount of good sound advice and help for our dear females also.  So ladies, read and select what is applicable (and have a hell of a giggle at us stupid men!!).

I have, therefore, “had to learn the hard way”.    So there you have it, after 51 years of a happy marriage to a wonderful woman who cared for all my domestic needs I am now having to live on my own., , , Prior to my marriage my Mother looked after me right up to the time of my marriage. So you can quite easily understand that it has been as though I have been suddenly uprooted and unceremoniously dumped onto another planet!

In these subsequent years I have had to learn how to cook, how to shop, how to do all the housework, and not forgetting (also applicable to the ladies!!)  how to live all on my own without everyday (and night) companionship.

During this painful learning period I have amassed a veritable fund of information that could be an absolute treasure chest to others who suddenly find themselves only just setting out on the same journey.

Some of my experiences are so hilarious, My Daughter Angela said that I could write a book !!  So here now is some of this “vast fund of information”.

 

2: NEW EATING HABITS

Our ‘Worthy Females’ can skip the next bit, , ,  Most South African men are real perfectionists at organizing braais  in the garden, but I have got bad news for you chaps!, , , , you cannot make a braai in the kitchen. It would make a hell of a mess of the linoleum on the floor and you could even choke to death in the smoke. You will also have the smell of smoke throughout the whole house for days and days afterwards. In any case, you would not want to braai for every meal including breakfast, lunch and supper 365 days of the year.  So I am afraid that it is back to the drawing-board, like it or not, for a whole lot of new design work. I did not like the thought of it either initially, so I made a nice fancy large notice on my Computer and stuck this on a cupboard door in the kitchen where I saw it every day. It read, quote: “COOKING IS FUN!”. (one of my fellow “Singlees” said to me  “ Who are YOU trying to kid?!” ).

3: WHAT’S ON THE MENU?

Lets take this step by step, , , , , , When you were a child, you had to eat what Mummy put on your plate, take it or leave it, , , and this was based on what she could cook best  (Logical , , hey?!).  However, when you were married you had to eat what your wee wifee put on your plate, take it or leave it, , , , ,  AND THIS ALSO WAS BOUND TO BE BASED UPON WHAT SHE  COULD COOK BEST.    By NO stretch of the imagination could it be such a coincidence that this would be exactly the same (Logical, , hey?)

Many married men go to business lunches or eat in the Office Dining Room or at a Cafe around the corner, , ,but this still leaves a meal at night does it not?

BUT, , , ,now that you are on your own, having just been presented with  ‘The Royal Charter of Suddenly Single”  you will jolly well eat, take it or leave it, ONLY WHAT YOU  CAN DO BEST  (Logical, , hey?!)

4: LET’S LOOK AT THE ALTERNATIVES

The alternatives are as follows:-

(A): A full-time maid does ALL your cooking (in which case skip the rest of what follows). Maybe your Mum AND your Wife had full-time maids who did all the cooking.

(B): You eat ALL your meals in the Retirement Village Dining room (in which case also skip the rest of what follows).

(C): You eat SOME of your meals in (B) above, in which case DO NOT skip the rest of what follows.

(D): You eat at your daughter’s house just up the road (but not ALL meals, , , , , so DO NOT  skip the rest of what follows.

(E): You order Cooked Meals to be delivered to your place of abode

(F):I cannot think of any other alternatives, so DO NOT skip the rest of what follows.

 

5: A TIP AND SOME VERY EASY DISHES  TO START THE BALL ROLLING

TIP: Do NOT try cooking an egg in a Microwave Oven without first spiking it with a Knitting Needle, or you will have an explosion that could blow the oven door off!!!

 

(a )Vegetable Soup:   Here is an absolute gem for a quick healthy nourishing meal , , , ,

(a) Pour boiling water into a soup bowl containing powdered instant Mushroom or Butternut Soup.

b: Chuck in 3 desert-spoons of Baked  Beans or Tinned Vegetables together with half a dozen frozen oven-bake-chips broken in half , , , ,If you want it less “vegetarian” you can also add a few chunks of chicken or meat.

c: Put this in the microwave for about 2  or 3 minutes.

d: While this is “cooking” put a slice of bread in the Toaster and slice up some cheese and tomato on a side dish. Maybe add some Cucumber and / or Beetroot.

e: When the toast “pops”, spread  this with Grape seed oil or Olive Oil then with some ‘Marmite’ or Tomato sauce etc: Pour a large glass of water or even a glass of Stout..

The above is one of the healthiest, delicious AND QUICK meals imaginable.

(b) Cooked Rice in a Flash!! Here is a “Red Hot Tip” , , , , , , ,

a: Chuck (or gently place) One cup of Rice in a Thermos Flask.

b: Add Two cups of Boiling Water

c: Leave overnight.

Believe it or not THAT IS ALL!!    The next day you have ready to eat rice, or you can stick it in the Deep-Freeze for another time. (Add salt to taste). I would not say that it is “delicious”, but it is certainly O.K. for putting in soup (see above).

(c ) Baked Potatoes in their Jackets:

Here is an amazingly simple way to ‘microwave’ a ‘BAKED POTATO

Just do the following , , , , , ,

(1) Stab the potato all the way through 6 times with a knife AND DO THIS FROM BOTH SIDES.   This is to ensure that the heat penetrates evenly all the way right through the potato. Other recipes will probably tell you to just prick it with a fork, but this is totally insufficient.!!  The other reason of course is to also ensure that it is stone dead, and that there is no likelihood whatsoever of it getting up and running away out of the door, which it could do very easily if only pricked with a fork!

 

(2) Put it on a saucer and Microwave it for 6 minutes. Note however, that you may have to adjust the time slightly, depending on the Electrical Wattage of your Microwave.  Also, adjust for a longer or a shorter time if a very large or a very small potato.   After a couple of experiments you will soon ”get the feel” of what time suits your individual circumstances the best.  If underdone, simply put it back in the microwave for another few seconds and make a note for the next time. If overdone, , , ,  then toughies! , , , ,you won’t make that mistake next time!

(3) To eat,  cut in half, scoop out a hole in each half and plonk in each hole a dollop of  Canola  Spread or similar.(Yummy- Yummy!!!!)., , , , ,  also add salt to taste, of course.

(4) NOTE  HOWEVER ,,, That to do TWO potatoes at the same time THIS  WILL NOT BE EXACTLY TWICE the time for one potato,  but something a little less (say: 10 minutes in my case). As I have just said , , , If underdone, stick it back in the microwave for another few seconds.

 

5: DECIDED ADVANTAGES OF BEING ON YOUR OWN

For us “Singlees” there are,   nevertheless, decided advantages of being on your own and they are, , , , , ,

(1): You can try out all kinds of ‘new’ things (not only in the world of food) without rocking the boat in which your wife is firmly ensconced in the bows!!!

(2): You can try out ANYTHING you wish, , , WOW!!    No more will you hear things like “What ON EARTH are you trying to do?? “ “Don’t make me laugh!!” and so on.    If it doesn’t work, so what!, , , just   proceed  to Plan ‘B’, and if  THAT  doesn’t work, then Plan C and so on.



6: YOUR  CLOSE CIRCLE  OF  FRIENDS WILL CHANGE

(a ): The Cows will very soon come home to roost !!

Make no mistake about it, your life will change in ways that you least expect. One of these will be your circle of close friends. This will not be immediate, in fact, at first, you will detect no change whatsoever. Your close friends will rally around you, inundating you with sympathy and kindness, spoiling you rotten. They will genuinely worry that you are not looking after yourself properly, especially in the eating department, and you will be spoilt with hot meals being delivered with careful instructions on the preparation of same. They will go overboard to ensure that you are not left on your own too much and will invite you out to meals, and perhaps even to go out with them to concerts or outings etc: all to take your mind off your grief.  This will be greatly appreciated by you and you will lap it all up with extreme gratitude and perhaps start to think that your new single life is not such a bad thing after all.

BUT, , , , eventually, sooner than you expect, “the cows will come home to roost” and, ever so slowly, it will dawn on you that the “Your Newly found  Honeymoon” is all over. You now proceed to the eighth day after “The Seven-Day Wonder” and your previous close circle of friends will change completely.

(b) The reasons why your close circle of friends will change.  

I have tried to analyze this situation and have come up with the conclusion that, In general, married couples prefer the close friendship of other married couples. The reason for this is quite interesting when you come to think of it.  Let me explain., , ,

If a Married Couple has a sociable conversation with a Single Person then it MUST fall into one of the following categories without ANY exceptions, , , , ,

(1) The Married Couple’s husband is talkative but his wife is not.

(2)    The wife is talkative but her husband is not,

(3)    Both are talkative

(4)     Neither are talkative.

THERE  ARE  ABSOLUTELY NO  OTHER  ALTERNATIVES ARE THERE??!!!

Whatever the above situation, when you are on your own with a Married Couple,  Oh Boy, Oh Boy!!   you have got BIG problems!!  Let me further explain,, , , ,

Consider (1 ) above (Talkative Husband):   You and  his wife initially pay polite attention  but eventually you must both get bored (the wife sooner than you because (a) she has heard it all before until she could scream and  (b) It will most definitely exclude knitting and sewing, cooking and ‘lady-gossip’! . She will then get up and say ‘Shall I go and make the tea?”  When she has gone, the husband raises his eyebrows and bombards you with some of his favorite smutty jokes. When you finally limp home you do not consider that the visit was actually a roaring success!

Consider (2) above (Talkative Wife):  Almost the same as (1) above except that the sexes are reversed, but unfortunately the husband does not find any relief in going to make the tea.  When wife finally goes and does this, the husband just sits there smiling at you and you then have to keep up an extremely one sided conversation ‘on the boil’, so much so, in fact, that when his wife returns, you could throw your arms around her and kiss her, even though she weighs a ton and has a face like the back of a farm tractor!


Consider (3) above Both Talkative):  You sit and listen, not being able to get a word in edgeways, even if you had come to tell them that you had discovered that they had just won the lottery!  Your biggest problem is to try to stop your eyes from drooping and to try and nod and grunt in all the right places., , ,Like, for instance, if one says “I suppose you think I am being totally stupid!!” and you nod and say “Oh yes, I could not agree more!!”.


Consider (4) above (Neither are talkative):    O Boy O Boy! Now you REALLY have got BIG  BIG  problems.  YOU must keep the conversational pot ‘on the boil’ for the WHOLE time.  By the time you leave you are mentally and physically exhausted, and your voice is as hoarse as a crow with hooping-cough.   It is very much like having to play a tennis match where you, alone are facing TWO opponents on the other side of the net.

(c ) Why Married Couples visiting Married Couples don’t have the above problems

All the foregoing circumstances are all very neatly catered for however, when a married couple visit a married couple. If the husband tries to hog all the conversation, the one wife will say to the other wife  “By the way Jean,  I came across a lovely dress last week in Woolworth’s” , , , , , , and off the ladies go on “strictly ladies talk”. The men then revert to golf, fixing car engines, the stock market and so on. A very enjoyable evening all round.  There are never any awkward pauses in the conversation because while one partner is talking, the other spouse is mentally collecting ammunition for an entirely new  subject .  And, when one of the other parties gets on a high horse that YOU could never hope dislodge in a thousand years, your dear wee wifee is an absolute genius at chipping into any conversation and dropping a bomb-shell!.

The bottom line is pretty obvious, is it not, , , namely, that you  gradually but very definitely tend to phase out being close friends with married couples. There may be isolated exceptions where very strong mutual interests happen to coincide and perhaps where a married couple NEED YOUR EXPERTISE OR ADVICE ETC: on something or other (say, holiday accommodation that you know well, and so on). This situation would, however, tend only be very temporary in nature.

(d) A Completely Different Reason for Breaking Up Old Friendships

Something I never expected was that the husband of a married Couple can get quite jealous of your friendship with his wife as he thinks that you are trying “to get off” with her !!!!, , , This actually  happened in my case. As I will explain as follows, , , I took up  ‘Tailoring’ as a new hobby, and one neighbour (the wife) was very tickled with this and gave me a tremendous amount of advice when I had ‘Technical Problems’.   One day, as I was passing their house I suddenly remembered one of my problems so called in for advice. I said  “I just popped in as I was passing”  I heard the husband mutter under his breath “WELL WHY THE HELL DIDN’T YOU !!!”

 

7: MAKING ENTIRELY NEW   FRIENDS.

There are of course other “Singlees” in exactly the same boat as you are. But many of them will have already fully adjusted to their new life of having to live on their own and are not actually looking for new friends. In this case, you might perhaps feel that you were   ‘Barging In’ as it were.  As far as eating habits go, many ‘old-time ‘Singlees’  will have already gravitated to the Communal Dining Room for their culinary requirements or have possible ‘unearthed’ a lonely widow who is only too glad to be able to cater for their eating requirements as an outlet for her sense of  ‘Social-Service’..

On the other hand, you may come across other brand-spanking new widowers, such as yourself, and you can be jolly good mental support for each other and, because of this, find other interests in common and eventually become firm friends. You will, for instance, be able to ‘swap notes’ and even have a laugh over some of your new experiments and ‘escapades’. You will both certainly have a lot in common as regards where to shop, what to buy, where and how to eat, in fact just about all the things I am covering in these notes.

Then there are instances where lonely old Widows may think that you are after their money. Or you could get the exact reverse where lonely old Widows are after yours!!!

8: CHANGING HABITS

Now is the time to change a lot of your previous habits.  Some of them will, of course,  be forced upon you without any option.(eating habits and so on). But, and this is a very BIG  ‘but’,  now you have the world at your feet, and you can try out all sorts of new things, and, if these don’t work, so what!,,, simply revert  to ‘Plan “B” ’ (without a female voice saying “I told you so!”).

When your wife was around, you can imagine her telling her friends “ You know what Howard tried to do the other day?  He actually tried to ——————–“ and so on. Then to finish off with something like:  “ I told him it would not work, but you know my old man, he never listens, he just has to do it his way!”

9: NEW  HOBBIES FOR OLD ONES

Tied up somewhat with “HABITS ’ is “HOBBIES” and you will find that these change drastically! Old hobbies that you considered the very heart of your existence suddenly become meaningless!

a: Gardening

Take Gardening for instance, , , ,  I  suddenly realized that “Gardening” is a SHARED interest. ,  In the past, I would spend hours coaxing peas to grow, hoeing around the roots, spraying with insecticide, feeding with fertilizer, manure and compost etc: Then, when we ate these with our meals we would boast to each other  “Our OWN  HOME-GROWN vegetables”. But now I am on my own, I can buy a huge bag of already shelled  frozen peas at the local supermarket that will last me a couple of months with no manual labour of my own involved whatsoever, nor any financial outlay for fertilizers, compost, insecticide and so on.  In fact, my life has changed to such an extent I hardly ever go into the garden, hence my loss of interest in planting seedlings each spring and attending to them like a mother hen with her chickens.  Fortunately, when I was interested in gardening I planted a lot of perennials that still continue to come up automatically year after year. . The garden therefore only now needs occasional weeding and tidying up (and I even pay a gardener to do this, anyway!).

b: Tailoring (i.e.”Dressmaking”) 

The most amazing thing happened, ,, , , One day I was putting my wife’s sewing machine away ‘for keeps’ at the top of a cupboard, never to be looked at again, and I suddenly had a bright idea. ,,,  , I would get my daughter Angela (who lived ‘just down the road’ at that time) to show me how to shorten my garters that often needed a tuck in them (and she used to do this for me).. It seemed so easy and she made me make a handkerchief out of a square cut out of an old bed-sheet. This was amazingly successful and easy, much to my surprise.!

Then, one night, as I was getting into my pajama long pants, I noticed  that there was only one long seam holding it all together, so, out came the cut-up bed sheet again and I made a very wearable pair of white pajama long pants. .Angela said that I should buy myself a proper pattern and try and make a shirt. This I did from a very helpful local Indian Tailor who was very amused, but very supportive of my adventuresome inroads into the world of tailoring. During all my initial efforts he was a wonderful help and guided me along the right road, pointing out possible pitfalls before they actually occurred..

So, armed with a pattern, material, matching cottons, buttons, dressmaking scissors and an ‘Un-picker’  I set off home full of high hopes. When I tried to read the instructions in the pattern however, they may as well have been written in Chinese!   So I discarded the instructions and joined the cut out material together as best I could.. With the aid of Angela, my Indian Tailor friend and other VERY amused ladies in our Village Complex, I very soon found the best way of stitching everything together.(see the story of the ‘Jealous Husband’ above!!!)

The end result after many months of very gradual progress is that I now have over two dozen home-made shirts, all very presentable. On one occasion I was paid a terrific left-handed complement, when I was wearing a rather flamboyant shirt that I had made, and a neighbour said to me “I like your shirt, THAT IS OBVIOUSLY NOT ONE YOU MADE”!!   I also discovered, to my advantage, that after making four or five new shirts I had enough left-over material to make myself yet another “patchwork shirt” comprising different coloured squares and oblongs ! (This reminds me of the advert’  “ Buy five and get on free!”). A friend said to me “Why don’t you join a proper sewing class?”  I replied  “ Well, actually, I would like to gain a bit more experience before I try teaching other people !!”

I also found rescuing old shirts that had been consigned to the rag-bag for cleaning cloths very rewarding. Being South Africa’s most experienced UN-PICKER .(!!!!), I found it very easy to reverse old collars. When these were even too bad to reverse, I used my famous ‘left-overs’ once again to create shirts with different coloured collars and pockets.(A previously discarded  khaki shirt to which I attached a blue collar and red pockets turned out very attractive indeed).

c:  An Amusing Tailoring Experience

I have had many amusing experiences doing this tailoring business.  Once I happened to look down at a shirt I was wearing and saw that one of the bottom corners of the shirt had not been stitched and was still kept in place with safety pins. As the sewing machine happened to have the same coloured cotton loaded at the time I simply fed the corner of the shirt into the sewing machine and started to machine the seam while sill wearing the shirt.  Guess what! ,,,  I am half way along the seam and THE TELEPHONE RINGS in the next room !!  I will leave you to finish this scenario in your own imagination.. Suffice to say, that I made one hell of a mess of the stitching, ,broke the needle, tried to dash to the phone carrying the sewing machine by yanking out the electrical cord, bruised my knee, tore the shirt and missed the telephone call. I then shouted out something at one hundred & twenty decibel that did not sound in the least like “Oh Dear Me Never Mind!!”

 

d:  Another Amusing Tailoring Experience

In another instance, my ‘Over-inflated Dressmaking Ego’ was burst like an ‘Over-inflated Balloon’ insofar as I had just finished making a very nice shirt and was in the act of snipping off a few loose cotton ends. When I finally came to the very last one, my ‘Over-inflated Dressmaking  Ego’ made me twirl the scissors in the air and shout out  “BINGO!!”. Then snip, snip, but , , , , in so doing, , ,  I CUT A HUGE  “V” IN ONE OF THE SLEEVES WITH THE POINT OF THE SCISSORS!!!!

I leave to your imagination what I said and the volume thereof , , , but I can tell you that  it was a 1,000 miles away from any  quietly spoken  “Oh Dear me, ,  Never Mind!!”

How are the Mighty Fallen!!!!

 

 10:  THE INTERNET

The ‘Internet’ is a great “New Hobby” and I would be quite lost without it.  As you see, I have my very own Website ( FREE!!! , , ,from “Wordpress!!) and have put over thirty Articles on it so far. These are based on years of writings gathering dust that I did not know what on earth to do with all.  It has, however, turned out to be quite a lot of fun doing it..

I also use the Internet to email Jokes and Wisdom to a little ‘Group’ (now approaching 50 in number) comprised of friends, acquaintances and relations.

I also use the Internet to email Angela  my Daughter who lives “up North” at Hartbeespoort Dam just about everyday. I also email folks all over the world from time to time (My Grandson Nicholas and Sandra his wife in the U.K. for instance as well as many other friends in the U. K. and the U.S.A.)

Then I also potter around a bit In Face-book and in Twitter.

I use the Computer itself to compile Spread Sheets for my Investments, and many other activities in which I am involved.

11:  CONCLUSION

I have only really skimmed the surface of my own entirely new activities and what could happen (and really did happen  as a result  of these !!).   Perhaps my own experience might just give one or two of you enough ammunition to work out a slightly better new life style if you were to suddenly find yourself in the unfortunate position of being SUDDENLY SINGLE.

Even if I have helped only one reader over this hurdle, then I feel that the above has not been all entirely in vein.

For those of you still married and are just skimming through these notes, it will, at least, give you some idea of what to expect, and you will now be a little more prepared.

Finally, for those of you that have gone through this terrible experience and have eventually overcome it, I can very easily imagine some of  you nodding and I can hear you say in places:- “Yes, yes, how very true, how very very true!!!”

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POPPA HOWARD QUESTIONS PUBLIC NOTICES AND ADVERTISEMENTS

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POPPA  HOWARD QUESTIONS PUBLIC NOTICES AND ADVERTISEMENTS

Saved as “Website-PUBLIC NOTICES.doc”

The following Notices and Advertisements are certainly “Questionable” in more ways than one, , ,  and I am sure  that many of the readers of these will not grasp their original intent.

Off we go then , , , , , , ,

1 Notice in a Laundry in Rome.
LADIES, WHY NOT LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

2: Notice in a Laundry in England

PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN YOU HAVE FINISHED.

3: A Junk Mail Advertisement:

BRAILLE DICTIONARY FOR SALE.  MUST BE SEEN TO BE APPRECIATED.

 

4: Another Junk Mail Advert’:

MOTIVATION TAPES FOR SALE. NEVER  BEEN  USED.

5:  Notice in a Dry Cleaners , Bangkok:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR SOME FANTASTIC RESULTS.
6:  Notice in a Tokyo Hotel
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING THINGS IN BED

7: Advertisement in a French Newspaper

ALL OUR BEDROOMS ARE PROVIDED WITH  FRENCH  WIDOWS

8:  Notice in a French Hotel.

OUR ROOMS ARE SPOTTYLESS.  A CHAMBER MAID WILL DO YOU ONCE A DAY.

9: Advertisement seen on a Welsh Farm Gate

TWENTYONE YEAR OLD LAYING HENS FOR SALE.

10 Advertisement for Donkey Rides in Thailand:
COME AND ENJOY A RIDE ON YOUR OWN  ASS

11:  Seen on a Hospital Notice Board

IT IS OUR POLICY TO DO OUR UTMOST TO SEE PATIENTS IN AGONISING  PAIN AS SOON AS WE POSSIBLY CAN.

12:  Seen on a Poster in France:
ARE YOU  SOMEONE WHO IS BLIND OR CANNOT READ?   IF SO, SEE ALL THE DETAILS BELOW,  BECAUSE WE CAN HELP.YOU

13: Notice in a  Bangkok Temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED  AS A MAN.

14:  Notice In a Cocktail Lounge , Norway :
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

15: Notice in a Doctors office, Rome :
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

16:  Notice in a Nairobi Restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

17:  Warning Notice on the main road to Mombassa, leaving Nairobi :
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS  IMPASSABLE.

18:  Notice in a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND ALSO AT WEEK-ENDS.

19:  Notice in a Cemetery:
PERSONS ARE  PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES .

20: Seen on the menu in a  Swiss Restaurant

OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE  FOR.

21: Notice seen in a Tokyo Bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR LADIES WITH NUTS.

22: Notice in a Hotel in Yugoslavia :
THE FLATTENING  OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

23:: Notice in a Hotel in Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED  TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

24:  Notice in a Moscow Hotel:- “YOU REALLY MUST VISIT OUR FAMOUS RUSSIAN CEMETERY, RIGHT OPPOSITE OUR HOTEL WHERE  FAMOUS SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT ON THURSDAYS.

25:  Also ion a Moscow Hotel:- “YOU REALLY MUST ALSO  VISIT OUR BIG CATHEDRAL, NEXT TO THE CEMETERY.  AS YOU ENTER YOU WILL BE IMMEDIATELY STRUCK BY THE HUGE DOOR”.

26:  Notice in Germany ‘s Black Forest :
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR  BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX   (FOR INSTANCE, MEN  AND WOMEN) TO LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH  OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.

27:  Notice in a Hotel in Zurich :
BECAUSE OF THE  IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOMS, IT  IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

28: IN A CHILDREN’S ZOO IN ENGLAND, NOTICES ARE DISPLAYED ON THE VARIOUS PENS:- For the Zebra:“ You can Kiss my Zebra”, For the Goat: ”You can kiss my Goat”, For the Pony: “You can Kiss my Pony’”, For the Donkey: “You can Kiss my      Donkey:”, ,  , , , , , ,GOTCHA !!!

29:  Notice in a Zoo in England

THE CROCODILES WILL BE  FED AT 2:15 P.M.  DO BRING YOUR CHILDREN.

30:  Notice in an African Game Park:

OUR WILDLIFE PARK IS FAMOUS FOR  ATTACKING TOURISTS.

31:  Seen on a Game Park Notice near Uppington,South Africa

NO DOGS ALLOWED  EXCEPT ON LEASHES  OR  BICYCLES.

 

32:  Notice in a Local Newspaper

Next Saturday, a Baby Show will be held in the Town Hall. We expect there to be about sixtyone year old babies coming

.

33: Seen on a notice in a Lawyer’s  Consulting Waiting Room

Have you a marriage problem?  ,,,,,,,,  If so, I can offer you a lethal solution.

                               

34: Seen in a Medical Insurance Rules Book

Where an operation proves fatal, at least one month’s prior notice must be given

35: Seen on a Hospital Entry Application Form

If you are Female, please provide:-  (a):Your Married Name,  and (b) Your Mating Name.

36: Job Advert’

ENERGETIC PEOPLE  REQUIRED WITHOUT GOING  PERSONALITIES.

 

37: Seen on a Medicine Label

TAKE ONE SPOONFUL AFTER BREAKFAST AND SUFFER..

 

38: Notice in a Vet’s Waiting Room

WE SPECIALISE IN CASTRATING DOGS AND CADS

39: Announcement in the Quarterly Journal of an Institute

We are very proud of the fact that our Institute has spread its testicles far and wide throughout the Country..

40: Seen in a Government Report

WE MUST HAVE MORE CUNTS IN THE MINISTRY OF DEFENCE.

41:  In a Report to a Board Meeting

Before going into full production a mock-up must be organized. In the past, these cock-ups have proved most beneficial.

42: A Newspaper Heading

Nearly 100,000 people have been forced to flee from their homes  in the Philippines from a Huge Tycoon

43: Notice in a Tel Aviv Hotel

If you wish to have breakfast in your room, please lift the telephone and our waitress will come and see you. This is enough to bring your food up.

44: Notice on an Irish Lift

PLEASE DO NOT USE THIS LIFT WHEN IT IS NOT WORKING.

45: Notice in a Tokyo Hotel

It is strictly forbidden to steal our towels. If you are not the person to do this, please not to read this notice.

46: Notice in a Sri Lanka Hotel

PLEASE DO NOT BATHE OUTSIDE THE BATHTUB.

47: At a Hotel Pool also in Sri Lanka

It is not recommended to use the Diving board when the Swimming Pool is empty

48: On the London Underground

LIFT AND TOILET OUT OF ORDER.  PLEASE USE THE STAIRS.

49: In a Gents’ Toilet on a Merseyside Ferry Boat:

WE AIM TO PLEASE,  YOU AIM TOO, PLEASE!

!

50: Notice in a Laundromat in Tokyo

DO NOT DRINK THE WATER WHILE INSIDE THIS MACHINE.

51: Label on a box of Christmas Fairy Lights

FOR INDOOR AND OUTDOOR USE ONLY.

52: In a newspaper report Major Jenkins was called a “Battlescared veteran” and a printed apology was demanded. This apology appeared shortly afterwards and read as follows:-

“We sincerely apologise to Major Jenkins for calling him a ‘Battlescared veteran’ this, of course, should have read “A bottle scarred veteran”.

53: In a newspaper report Sergeant John Smith was called a ‘Defective in the Police Force

” We sincerely apologise to Sergeant Smith, this ,of course, should have read     “ Sergeant John Smith is a Detective in the Police Farce”. \

54: In a Newspaper Report

”At Oxford,  C.B. Fry’s favorite party trick was to leap from carpet onto mantelpiece from a standing tart”

55:  Sign outside a Panel Beaters Workshop that is opposite to a Funeral Parlour: “NEW WINGS FITTED”

56: Notice in an Estate Agents Office

LAND-LORDS  LOOKING FOR TEN ANTS  FOR GOOD QUALITY  HOMES.

57: Seen in an Airline Ticket Office, Copenhagen:
WE  TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

58: Notice in a Shopping Centre:

“WET FLOOR, , ,PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS IS NOT AN INVITATION.

59:  Notice in a Pub’

IF YOU HAVE COME HERE TO DRINK TO FORGET, , ,  PLEASE PAY IN ADVANCE.

60:  Anti-Terrorist Notice at an Airport

IF SOMEONE PUTS ANYTHING INTO YOUR LUGGAGE WITHOUT YOUR KNOWLEDGE PLEASE REPORT THIS TO US IMMEDIATELY.

61:: Newspaper Headings

a: :”Prostitutes appeal to the Pope”

b: “ Dr. Tackett gives a Talk on the Moon”

c: “Reynolds  to press his suit in Rome”.

 

d: “Headless Blonde Found in Thames”

 

e: “Bar trying to help Alcoholic Lawyers”

 

f: “Red Tape holds up New Bridge”

 

g: “Joint Chiefs Head will be Replaced”

h: “Man survived 17 Days on Flying Fish

i: “Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in a Queue in a Super-Market”

 

62: All the following are taken from the book “FUNNY SIGNS” compiled by the GETAWAY magazine (Ramsay Son and Parker 1999).  The signs and notices etc: are supported by actual photographs. 

 

a:  In an Estate Agents Window “BUY YOUR OWN CONDOM,,,, R570 INITIAL l DEPOSIT “.

b:  Notice outside a Nursery: “SUPPORT OUR AGED ROSES R35 PER BUSH”.

c:  Outside a Funeral Parlor: “WE SELL COFFINS. BUY ONE AND GET ONE FREE”.

d:  In Eshowe, Kwa Zulu, Natal: “FALSE  TEETH  FOR SALE.  ONE OWNER”

e:: Road Sign inSwaziland: “SLOW  BORDER  CONTROL  POST   AHEAD”.

f:  An actual notice in a forbidden section in a Nature Reserve, Knysna:

IS THERE LIFE AFTER DEATH ?  , , ,  TRESPASS HERE AND FIND OUT

g:  Seen in a Namibian Coastal Town:  “TRESPASSERS WILL BE SHOT.  ANY SURVIVORS WILL BE SHOT AGAIN”.

h: Seen on the Natal South Coast, South Africa :  “NEVER MIND THE DOG….. BEWARE OF MY WIFE!!”

i:  On a Toilet door, Ngoronggoro Crater (wherever that is!!) :

“CLOSE DOOR,,,VERY STRONG WIND”

j:  Road Sign near East London: “ROUND ABOUT  500M AHEAD REDUCE SPEED” . (Not until then Hey What?!).

 k:  Near the Victoria Falls: “CAUTION: WILDANIMALS  DRIVE  WITH  CAR”.

 l:  In the Royal National Park: “CAUTION:  CHILDREN PLEASE DRIVE SLOWLY” (Do they think that there might be a Sterling Moss amongst them ?!!).

 m:  In Botswana: “HORSES  PLEASE  CLOSE  THIS  GATE”.(But WE are allowed to keep them open, presumably!!)

n: Warning Notice in Smitswinkel Bay:  “PLEASE  DO  NOT  FEED  OR  STAMP ON  THE  POPFFADDERS”.

o: In the Sweet Waters Game Reserve, Mount Kenya: “ THIS  BRIDGE  IS  RATED  FOR  A  MAXIMUM  OF ELEVEN TONS.    ELEPHANTS  ARE  THEREFORE  REQUESTED  TO  CROSS  TWO  AT  A  TIME  ONLY”.

 p:  In a Game Park in Madagascar: “VISITORS  WHO  THROW  LITTER  INTO THIS  CROCODILE  ENCLOSURE  WILL BE  ASKED  TO  RETRIEVE  IT”

q: Notice on a Golf Course in Northern  Natal:  “DANGER: UNTREATED  WATER. DON’T  DRINK IT  OR  LICK  YOUR  BALLS”.

r: In a Golf Club Toilet:  “Golfers are requested not to wash their balls in the sinks”

s:  Sign at a Spa at the ‘Royal Swazi Sun’:  “THIS  IS A HEALTH  SPA.  YOU  ARE THEREFORE ENTERING  THIS  POOL  AREA  AT  YOUR  OWN  RISK”.

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POPPA HOWARD QUESTIONS WHY OUR PRAYERS ARE NOT ALWAYS ANSWERED

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POPPA HOWARD QUESTIONS WHY OUR PRAYERS

ARE NOT ALWAYS ANSWERED!!

                                                                   Saved as: “Website-PRAYER not ANSWERED.doc”

1: INTRODUCTION

The following observations are not just “off the cuff” but are based on years of study of thousands of Books and Magazines (well, perhaps, at least, about half a dozen, actually!!) and hours of self-meditation on this dynamic subject.

My findings fall into the category of SIX MAIN SECTIONS that I believe fully answer this very puzzling question for everybody. If you adhere to these principles I am certain that all your future prayers will be answered (unless it is in your own best interests that God knows otherwise!!).

I have put my findings into Six Sections, namely:-

SECTION 1:  GOD DOS NOT LISTEN TO ACTUAL WORDS!!

SECTION 2:  ELIMINATE ALL NEGATIVITY.

SECTION 3:  ARE WE TRAPPED BY UNIVERSAL NEGATIVE ‘BELIEFS’?

SECTION 4:  UNDER-PIN YOUR PRAYERS WITH FEELINGS

SECTION 5:  ARE WE PLAYING OUR PART IN PRAYER?!!

SECTION 6:  DO NOT TELL GOD HIS JOB !!

Off we go then, , , , , ,  but fasten your Seat-Belt, because this Article will surely change your whole life !!!, , ,  , , , , ,

               SECTION 1:   GOD DOES NOT LISTEN TO YOUR ACTUAL WORDS.

2:  GOD DOES NOT LISTEN TO YOUR ACTUAL WORDS

If God had to listen to the actual words in prayers, He would have to listen to words in thousands of different languages.  So what does He do?, ,  He only ‘SEES’ the thoughts in our Sub-Conscious minds (i.e. The Right-hand ‘Creative’ side of our Brains). You have to say the words first of course in order for your Right-Brain to know what picture to create that God will finally see.,. , ,  You get the idea??

3: AN EXAMPLE

Let’s consider for a moment what  God actually “SEES” if you pray: :“O God please take away my “PAIN”., , , ,  But God only SEES  your ‘Subconscious – Mind-Picture’ of “PAIN”, that it has created with your words, , ,  so He very graciously gives it to you as you asked Him so nicely !!!  Rather pray for “GOOOD HEALTH” and do NOT even mention the word “PAIN”

 

4: ANOTHER EXAMPLE

Here is another example,  ,  “Please God let there be NO more WARS”  In this case,  God will only  SEE  “WARS” that you have vividly pictured in your Subconscious Brain and He will grant you this with His blessing!!   So rather pray for PEACE and do NOT even mention the word “WARS”.

5: GOD TAKES A WALK THROUGH YOUR  PICTURE GALLERY!!

Here is a lovely little analogy, , ,  Imagine your Subconscious Right Brain is a Picture Gallery, and God is taking a walk through it, looking at your paintings. One of them is a very gruesome  ‘War Scene’.  This picture has just been created in your Right- Brain because you have just said the words  ”O Lord please make all WARS to cease!”. But there are no words written across the picture stating “all wars to cease”,   So God, seeing this War Picture  says “Certainly, my dear child, your prayer is answered, you can certainly  have WARS if you so wish” (but He thinks to Himself  “Personally, I think it is a daft idea!!”)., , Do you get my drift???

6: “WANDERING THOUGHTS“ DURING A CHURCH SERVICE !!

By the same token, if the Minister in Church is praying beautiful, meaningful and powerful prayers for this or that fully in line with the foregoing, but your mind is wandering, because you are worrying about your motor car that is giving a lot of trouble at the moment.  GOD WILL, THEREFORE, ONLY SEE YOUR MENTAL PICTURE OF A FAULTY MOTOR CAR, in your “Subconscious Picture Gallery”, and because  all your thoughts are prayers,  Bingo !!, , , God grants you a FAULTY MOTOR CAR  with His blessing!!!

7: A GOOD SUMMARY IN ONE CRYPTIC SENTENCE!!

God gives us everything  “IMAGIN – ABLE” , , Not anything “SPOKE– ABLE!”!!

 

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       SECTION 2:  ELIMINATE  ALL NEGATIVITY

 

8:  ELIMINATE  ALL NEGATIVITY.

Following on from the above, here is something very hard to swallow and also achieve, ,,  Both your Subconscious Mind AND  God do NOT recognize NEGATIVE WORDS such as  No,  Not, Never, Remove or Prefixes such as  Un–,  Anti–, etc:  This is because  both your Subconscious Mind and God ONLY DEAL IN PICTURES so you  get the wrong outcome from what you actually intended and expected when you prayed using NEGATIVE Words!!

 

9: THE SOLUTION

The solution? , , , Only pray for POSITIVE and LOVELY THINGS such as ‘Love’ ‘Perfect Health’,  ‘World Peace’, ‘Law and  Order’ etc:  When praying for someone who is ill, whatever you do, do NOT tell God that he or she is suffering from this or that illness. Apart from the fact that He knows this already, you will be picturing your friend’s suffering AND GOD WILL SEE THIS IN YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS  MIND and will graciously give you what you have inadvertently asked for, namely ILLNESS.  Rather pray that Mr. or Mrs.. XYZ will enjoy ‘PERFECT HEALTH

 

10: AS ALL YOUR THOUGHTS ARE “PRAYERS” , , CARRY THE FOREGOING CONCEPTS INTO YOUR EVERYDAY LIFE

You must also carry all this into your everyday life, because ALL YOUR THOUGHTS ARE PRAYERS.. Watch out for the very common trap of using DOUBLE NEGATIVES. . For example, in answer to the greeting  “How are you ?  Never  ever reply   “I am not too bad thank you” , or “I cannot complain” (Typical answers, hey??!!). So, God says “O.K. I  SEE your prayer, so I will certainly give you a lot of bad’and a lot to ‘complain  of !! .

This is easier said than done of course, and requires a tremendous amount of Self Discipline, , , .But the effort MUST be made, nevertheless!!

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                 SECTION 3: UNIVERSAL NEGATIVE BELIEFS

11: ARE WE TRAPPED BY UNIVERSAL NEGATIVE  BELIEVES? 

Following on from the foregoing do NOT become trapped by unconditionally accepting UNIVERSAL NEGATIVE “BELIEFS”, as these are “SUBCONSCIOUS-PRAYER-PICTURES” and they will be surely granted!  This requires exceptional personal Mental Discipline.  But if you do not do this, then you are SUNK, as sure as the Titanic!!    Here are some typical examples you MUST avoid saying OR EVEN THINKING at all costs , , , ,

“I always get a cold every winter!”

“My illness (or whatever) can’t be helped, it is hereditary!”

“I can NEVER find parking!”

“I’ have never won anything in my life!”

“I was born unlucky!”

“I have always been ‘Accident Prone’!”

“I NEVER get anything right the first time!”

“I am absolutely HOPELESS at Mental Arithmetic!”

“It ALWAYS rains when we go on holiday !!”

“Statistics show that not many people live over 85”

“Our Transport System is an absolute disaster”

‘Our Government is an Absolute Disaster!!”

“I do not deserve to be rich (happy) (lucky) (healthy) , , , , , , (whatever)!”

“I cannot  help it, it runs in the Family!!”

“Mother-in Laws are all the same!!”
“This town is full of very unfriendly people” (And if you should move elsewhere, people will also be unfriendly there, sure as eggs!!).

And so on and so on ,,,,,,,,,, Do you recognize and say these, , , or, even worse still, believe  in  any of them??!!

What a dismal Picture Gallery these pictures will all make for God to see AND GRANT WITH HIS BLESSING 

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                 SECTION 4: UNDER-PIN OUR PRAYERS WITH FEELINGS

 

12: UNDER-PIN  YOUR PRAYERS WITH YOUR FEELINGS

Your prayers must be always under-pinned with your FEELINGS . When praying for rain, for instance, in your mind, FEEL it beating on your face and body, hear in your mind the thunder and imagine the lightning and the torrents of water rushing along the gutters. This gives God a REALLY VIVID PAINTING to look at in your Gallery!! (and He will rush to tell His Angels to turn all the taps full on !!!)..

GREGG BRADEN has written a splendid book on this ‘Feelings Principle’ in prayer that he calls “THE  ISAIAH  EFFECT”  (The above prayer for rain is just one example that he cites).

By the way, did you know that Isaiah was deformed?  Yes ,he was,  because ‘One eye’s higher’   than the other!!!’ , , , , , , (GOTCH-YA !!).

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                  SECTION 5: ARE WE PLAYINGY OUR PART IN PRAYER?                                

 

13: ARE WE PLAYING OUR PART IN RESPECT OF PRAYER ?

It is very often not enough to simply pray and then lean back, sitting on the side-lines just waiting for some wonderful  miraculous ‘Divine Action’ to take place.. We are often given “Spiritual-Mental-Instructions”  or “Spiritual Tips”  in the form of  “Inspirational Thoughts”,(often very repetitive, but ignored!!) or perhaps given in Dreams.   WE must then CO-OPERATE order to CO-CREATE the practical answers to our prayers.

Also, look for “SIGNS” especially if a simple “Yes’ or ‘No’ is required to guide your future. (Lots of ‘Yes’s’ seen in Newspapers, Shop-Windows, on Television etc: As an example of this, when buying a new car recently ,I could not decide whether or not to get one with ‘Automatic’ or ‘Manual’ Gear-Change. (Everyone said that I must get the ‘Automatic’).   So I prayed for guidance.  As a result, I was (a): Drawn into a conversation about Organ MANUALS.  (b) My eyes were drawn to a book on my desk entitled  “Instruction MANUAL”, and finally  (c)The Minister’s surname at Church that Sunday was EMANUEL. So I reckoned that these were enough ‘Signs’ and bought the Manual Gear Change without any further hesitation (Which has proved to be the right choice 100 times over!!!).  “Just Shear Coincidence of course”  most people will say !!   
Many think that their prayers have been ignored, whereas, in actual fact, the person themselves are actually the ones who are doing all the ignoring!!!  .

So do not fall into this trap yourself!!

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                 SECTION 6: DO NOT TELL GOD HIS JOB!!

14: DO NOT TELL GOD HIS JOB !!!!
Another set-back in prayer is that we often outline HOW our prayers should be answered. We are virtually handing God a script instructing Him how to do His job!!!

 I love the story that illustrates this absolutely perfectly, , ,, namely, of a family that lived on the edge of a desert and they earnestly and continuously prayed for rain but without any result. Then a new family moved in, but they prayed that God would provide all their needs.  Guess what , , ,  Oil was discovered on the property!!!, , ,   Need I say more??!!   

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15: SUMMARY

So there you have it folks. , , ,I hope that my article on prayer may bring forth positive results when you pray in future (because if you can carry out its basic principles, it cannot do otherwise) , ., , ,and please, DO watch your thoughts in everyday life (cutting out all negativity) as such thoughts may be the cause of some of the nasty situations for which you cannot account.

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 END OF ARTICLE

POPPA HOWARD QUESTIONS MIRACULOUS GRAPE-SEED OIL AND INTRODUCES DR. JONATHAN WRIGHT.

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POPPA  HOWARD  QUESTIONS  MIRACULOUS  GRAPE- SEED OIL

 AND  INTRODUCES  DR. JONATHAN WRIGHT.

Saved as “Website-GRAPESEED and Dr J WRIGHT.doc”

1: INTRODUCTION

Whilst pottering around and searching for something quite different on the Internet, I accidentally stumbled across the miraculous Healing Power and Health Benefits of GRAPE-SEED OIL. I was absolutely astounded and would, therefore, like to pass all this on to as many folks as quickly as possible.

It is certainly God’s gift to mankind and I cannot understand why it has been ignored by the Medical Profession for so long.

2: THE ASTOUNDING BENEFITS OF GRAPE- SEED OIL

So let’s see just what it can do.

It does the following ==:

a) It makes your ARTERIES AND BLOOD VESSELS SO EXTREMELY “SLIPPERY THAT CHOLESTEROL and BLOOD – CLOTS cannot possibly get any hold..

(b) It EXPANDS your ARTERIES, BLOOD VESSELS AND VEINS thus lessening the risk of CHOLESTEROL and BLOOD-CLOTTING. (HAWTHORN also does this, incidentally)

(c) It Increases the ELASTICITY OF YOUR ARTERIES, BLOOD VESSELS AND VEINS.

(d) It LOWERS your BLOOD PRESSURE as a result of the above.(as the Arteries etc: are now much wider and thus give less resistance to blood-flow).

(e) It Controls your CHOLESTEROL  LEVELS.(also as a result of the above).

(f) It relieves VARICOSE VEINS (also as a result of the above).

(g) It Strengthens VASCULAR WALLS, thus preventing Vascular Diseases (Angina etc: )

(h) It Stimulates COLLAGEN REPAIR (the tough fiber-like protein in the structure of Tendons, Bones and Connective Tissues) .

(i) It stops the growth of STEPIOCOCCUS, a Bacteria causing TOOTH DECAY.

(j) It prevents or slows down existing MUSCULAR DEGENERATION.

(k) It reduces the RISKS OF CANCER, DIABETES AND ALZHEIMERS DISEASE.

(l It IMPROVES VISION.

(m) It IMPROVES SKIN COLOUR.

(n) It PREVENTS NIGHT CRAMPS

(o) It SHRINKS SWELLING CYSTS

(p) It is ANTI-INFLATIONARY.

(q) It is RICH IN VITAMIN “6” .

(r) It is RICH IN VITAMIN “E”.

(s) It STRENGTHENS YOUR IMMUNE SYSTEM (resulting from the above).

(t) It has a “HIGH SMOKING POINT” and is therefore far better for Frying, as this produces hotter foods. (AND IT IS ALSO FAR HEALTHIER THAN ANY OTHER FRYING FAT)

You should do all your cooking and frying etc: with Grape-Seed Oil in order for your body to absorb as much of it as you possibly can.

(u) As a final REAL BONUS, however,  it is FAR cheaper than Olive Oil , being only just over half the price. It is also usually kept on the same shelves as Olive Oil in Super-Markets that stock the latter. You can also buy it in concentrated capsule form under the name of “PROCYDIN” but these are extremely expensive. (see http://www.procydin.com on the Internet).

All the foregoing is certainly not to be sniffed at, , ,not so??!!, , , (“At which not to be sniffed”, , ,Churchill). , , , , , We have just about gone through the whole alphabet!!

3: WHY THEN IS GRAPE-SEED OIL INGORED BY THE MEDICAL POFESSION?

So why is it ignored by the Medical Profession? I strongly suspect that Doctors do not recommending Grape-Seed Oil because either (a):They do not know about it, , , or (b):As it is not a ‘Prescribed Drug’ they do not get any ‘commission’ for it from the Drug Companies. Much rather write out an expensive prescription and earn a bit more pocket-money !!! The same goes for all other similar ‘Natural Cures’ of course. (Which is why we are all held to ransom by the Medical Profession!!).

As a scenario , , , , just imagine that EVERYBODY consumed Grape-Seed Oil in large quantities, , , all the above ailments would be eliminated and Doctors and Drug Companies would soon be so very much the poorer!!! It is no wonder then that the Medical Profession does not encourage its consumption!!!


4: INTRODUCING  Dr. JONATHAN WRIGHT.

Dr. Jonathan V. Wright in the U.S.A.is no such Doctor however, and he recommends Natural Remedies whenever possible.   He writes of all the latest ‘Natural Cures’ from plants and herbs and also reports on his findings about atrocities in the Medical Profession in his monthly Magazine “NUTRITIAN AND HEALING”.  (This magazine is obtainable from Fleet Street Publications (Pty) Ltd. Private Bag X16 North Riding 2162 ), , ,(Highly recommended, by the way, , , absolutely fascinating and educational, and it will save you thousands in ‘Medical Costs’ !!!).

He has been practicing at The Tahoma Clinic inWashington,U.S.A.since 1973.and has carried out tens of thousands of highly successful clinical consultations.

His advice, based on years and years of experience, is, therefore, not to be taken lightly.

 

5: HE IS FEARLESSLY OUTSPOKEN

He is a VERY outspoken person and is fearless in exposing any medical atrocities that he comes across from time to time. He promotes ‘ Natural Remedies’ such as Grape-Seed Oil wherever possible that are far better than drugs. He is, therefore a deadly enemy of the huge Drug Companies, so much so, in fact, that his Surgery has been trashed a number of times and he has even been ‘beaten up’!! , , , ,but nobody claims responsibility of course!!.

 

 

 

6: CONCLUSION

So, my dear friends, why not go for Grape- Seed Oil in a big way, and try and promote its consumption to all and sundry ? , , ,  The more folks that use it, the more healthy will our Country be!!

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POPPA HOWARD QUESTIONS THE ASTOUNDING BENEFITS OF GREEN TEA AND GOATS MILK

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 POPPA HOWARD QUESTIONS THE ASOUNDING  BENEFITS OF GREEN TEA AND GOATS MILK !! 

Saved as: “Website-GREEN TEA. and GOATS MILK doc”

 

The following article reads like a Fairy Tale or Science Fiction, , , , it is so absolutely unbelievable and fascinating !!  So read on and laugh or weep, as the case may be!!! , , , , ,

 

1 :Why are Green Tea and Goats Milk lumped together?

These two are lumped together because they are “Country Cousins”, , , most people having milk in their tea..

 

2: Historical Note and a bit of Science regarding Green Tea 

Green Tea has been used in Chinaas a “Magic Healer” for over 5,000 years. It is now known from present day research that the “Magic Ingredients” in Green Tea are actually things named  POLYPHENOLS . These powerful little guys zap Free Radicals in the body before they even get a chance to damage your internal organs and your DNA..  Incidentally, Ordinary “Black Tea” also contains Polyphenols to a certain extent. (Has ordinary ‘Black Tea’ perhaps now gone up a little, in your estimation??!!)

 

3: More Science!!

Looking at just one of these Polyphenols, called EGCG, this little guy blocks the chemical that causes TUMORS to form as well as other similar cancer-invaders. (For the ‘Scientifically Minded’  EGCG stand for “Epi-Gallo-Catechin Gallate”).(WOW !!).  Amazingly, EGCG has been proved to be TWO HUNDRED TIMES MORE POTENT than Vitamin E and FIVE HUNDRED TIMES MORE POTENT than Vitamin CIt is also very so rich in Vitamin B2.

TIP: Adding a dash of Lemon Juice or Ginger doubles or even triples the Absorption Factor of these extremely valuable vitamins even further.

 

 

4: Its FANTASTIC Beneficial Attributes

Its main beneficial attribute however is the ability to flush out and get rid of Poisonous Toxins in the body and lowers Cholesterol..

Research Figures show that drinking Green Tea reduces the chance of you getting a stroke by as much as 70%. But in addition to this, it is also very successful in preventing Tumors from even forming and fighting Skin Cancer, Breast Cancer and Prostate Cancer, It also has the ability of soothing and calming the mind in times of stress.

 

5: Rich in Natural Minerals

As if all he foregoing this is not enough, Green Tea is rich in natural minerals such as IronCalcium  and  Manganese.

 

6: A Quick Summary and a lot of other Fantastic Health Benefits  

You just won’t believe this, , , but Green Tea is, , , ,

a: TWO HUNDRED TIMES more powerful than Vitamin E.

b: FIVE HUNDRED TIMES more powerful than Vitamin C.

c: Rich in Vitamin B2.

d: Flushes out Poisonous Toxins in the body.

e: Lowers Cholesterol.

f: Reduces the chances of a Stroke by 70%.

g: Prevents Tumors form even forming.

h: Fights Skin, Breast and Prostate Cancer.:

i: Has a Calming and Soothing action on the Mind .

j: Rich in the Minerals Iron, Calcium and  Manganese,

k:  Protects the Heart, Liver and other Body Organs.

l:  Guards  Skin Cells from chemical damage.

m: A powerful Anti-Oxidant

n:  Has strong Anti-Aging properties.

o:  Protects your DNA from damage by Free Radicals.

p: Cures LUKEMIA (see hereunder).


 7: Proofs in the way of Historical Notes 

1:  In a Mayo Clinic, 3 out of 4 patients were completely cured of LEUKEMIA  and the 4th one’s condition was greatly improved.

2: Andrew Weil M.D. of the University of Arizona College of Medicine is convinced enough of the foregoing to highly recommend drinking one cup of Green Tea every single day

(From “The Immune Advantage” by Ellen Mazo)

 

8: Making  Green Tea more ‘Palatable’!!

Green Tea on its own is of course absolutely ‘YUK’ !! , , ,  But you can now buy Green Tea mixed with Jasmine, Mint, Calamine or other tasty herbs. When a heaped spoonful of Honey is also added and a dash of milk this makes it quite a delightful beverage.

 

9: My Own Green Tea  ‘Health- Atom- Bomb’!!

My own way of  drinking Green Tea is to immerse one or two Green Tea-Bags  in a large Beer Mug of boiling water and add a heaped spoonful of Raw Honey, 12 shakes of Ginger Spice (i.e. about a quarter of a teaspoon),, half a CAL-C-VITA  tablet, a spoonful of Brown Demerara Sugar and finally top up with GOAT’S MILK.  I drink this, first thing EVERY morning., , , , An  absolute  “HEALTH – ATOM – BOMB”

 

10: An Unconditional Guarantee of Everlasting Life on Green Tea !!

All Green Tea comes with AN UNCONDITIONAL GUARANTEE  OF EVERLASTING LIFE !! , , ,   If it fails to do so, you can write to the address shown on the boxes for a full refund on all the money you have ever spent on Green Tea !!!

In the far distant future, I am going to convene “The over 120 ‘s  Green Tea Drinking Club”. (SO WATCH THIS SPACE !!)

 

11: GOAT’S MILK is Identical to HUMAN MILK!!  

I mentioned “GOAT’ S MILK” just now,, , ,did you know that Goat’s Milk is IDENTICAL to Human Milk? , , ,  (I bet you did not !!, , ,   I certainly did not!!   ).

 As such, it is just as readily absorbed into the body as Human Milk.  In comparison, Cow’s Milk is as useless to your system as Milk coming from another Planet!!!

 

12:  Goats have the strongest Constitution of any other Animal on Earth!!

Goats have the strongest constitution of any other animal on earth. It’s  constitution is so strong that it will survive ANYWHERE.  They can exist from scraps on Rubbish Dumps (even including the Tin Cans !!).   Scientists reckon that when all other animals are extinct, there will still be Goats!!

They are far more Intelligent for which we give them credit.  They can maintain their balance even on the most unbelievable precarious of mountainous foot-holds.

Is it any wonder then, that their Milk, made from such a strong constitution and intelligence is so very healthy for us??!

 

13:  Also go for GOAT’S  CHEESES

For the same reason, you should ALWAYS try and get Cheeses made from Goat’s Milk.

If your local Supermarket or Shop does not stock them,  speak to the Manager or Buyer to please stock this if he can in future. (the same goes for Goat’ Milk).

 

14: Tail Piece

HAVE I PERHAPS CONVINCED YOU TO RUSH OUT AND STOCK UP WITH BOXES AND BOXES OF GREEN TEA AND  BOTTLES AND BOTTLES OF GOAT’S MILK ??!!
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